i have a lot more alone time now and a whole apartment to cover and fill with things that i like and that make me feel good, so i spend a lot of time thinking about what i want to look at and what i want to listen to and how i want to feel when i'm by myself in a world that's all my own. weirdly this has made me think that i am a less cohesive person than i previously thought. i get anxious when i can't make a decision about what i want or what i like as though this reflects poorly on my wholeness. in the past few days, though, i've made some concrete decisions: i hung items up on my wall and i purchased a table and chairs. so maybe it's all coming together / maybe i'm all coming together. is it weird to feel like spaces and places are extensions or reflections of yourself? this is why i'm a hoarder.

anyhow, i've been feeling inspired and creative lately but in a directionless way, so i think i'm going to start watercolor painting this weekend. we'll see how that goes.

i've been listening to sufjan stevens's new all delighted people ep a lot, too, and i think i like it. i've also been revisiting the robot ate me and it feels like an old friend.